I know I’m going to get hate mail for this, but why? WHY DO WOMEN STILL DON THIS RIDICULOUS LOOK???

I know Tegan and Sarah rock their mullets, but you are not Tegan and Sarah, so please stop.

If you set off metal detectors, you have too many.

If you look like a pin cushion, you have too many.

If I rip one out during a make-out session, you have poor location selection.

Unless you work on a farm, no overalls. They were popular fashion at one time, I believe that was 1998.

Let them go.

If you’re wearing them, I better see a cow udder in your hands.

Whips are always fun. Wallet chains are cool too.

Just not at your sister’s wedding reception.

As the proud owner of 11 tattoos, I’m obviously a fan of inked ladies.

My only tip: cover names with a new tat if you and your lady part ways. Nothing kills a moment faster than seeing “Samantha Forever” on the way down south…assuming of course, that your name isn’t Samantha.

Love them! Vintage glasses even better.

Sunglasses are a personal fave of mine. But, remember girls, only outdoors unless you just got your eyes done.

Nothing is sexier than a smart pair of Italian reading glasses.

If it’s a two-piece suit and now you can only fit into one of the pieces. Then don’t wear the other piece and call it an outfit.

That’s not an outfit. That’s a fiasco

I do not enjoy women with facial hair. There, I’ve said it. Get rid of it.

Unless, of course, facial hair is just one part of a bigger journey in your life. Then go with God.

Peace symbols are always in. Always.

Except for maybe when inked on a nipple. That might take someone out of it.

Remember that New Kids on the Block album where one of them had that really fat bandana on his head?

Yeah, just be careful with bandanas — because those pictures hang around for a looooong time.